The Case of The Disappearing Socks!

My fellow blogger mom Sandra over at Absolutely Narcissism , is so funny and completely blunt in her blog. I have to pimp her out today for the blog she posted about the word "vagina".

I have to say I do the same stuff with my boys. I scare them into not wanted to have sex without a condom and making sure not to get anyone pregnant...lets face it I have no other options..I can't put my boys on birth control!

This brings me to the time I took my oldest to his 11 year check up. He had just turned 11, and I was thinking this would be like any other day at the pediatricians office...I was so very WRONG!

His Doctor turned to me and said have you had the talk with him about masturbation. What The Fuck? He is 11! Then she proceeded to tell me with my terrified looked on my face that boys start masturbating about the age of 11. OMG isn't this his dad's job to talk to his son about masturbation? No she said boys and their dad's are to embarrassed to talk to each other about masturbation.

Oh shit, I know nothing about boys masturbating except for the fact the I had to buy my second ex husband 3 pocket pussies cause he kept wearing holes in them. This would be different she said cause I shouldn't under any circumstance buy him a pocket pussy! lol Why not? They are easily discreet and washable and make life a lot easier for me!

I ignored the pediatrician, I figured it would come along soon enough and I would deal with it then. Oh but I was so wrong! I should have dealt with it when she told me to.

I started finding crusty socks stuffed behind his bed and under his bed and in his closet. OMG GROSS! Then the unthinkable happened! Yes I walked in on him masturbating! He had not locked or even bothered to shut the his bed room door so I didn't think nothing of walking right in to deliver his clean clothes from the dryer for him to put away! OMG! I never again went into his room .
I did however sit my then 12 year old and my then 6 year old sons down ...Yes the youngest was six when this conversation took place....brace yourselves!

This is how it went!
Look I know boys have needs and they sometimes want to explore their bodies and that their penis does funny things when they touch it, however I am telling both of you that doing that in your bedroom isn't allowed! They make showers for that so that all the evidence goes down the drain , and if I find one more crusty sock in this house I will serve it to you for dinner!

The oldest was laughing at me but stopped laughing when I told him I would make him eat the nasty crusty sock, the youngest was locked on every word but never said anything.

So this brings me to my now 12 year son taking a damn hour and fifteen minute shower the other night and then getting up before the alarm went off the very next morning and getting back into the shower for another 1 hour long shower! OMG

Why did GOD bless me of all people with boys! So the point of this blog is that kids pay attention to everything that is said no matter their age and thank GOD cause I swear if I start finding crusty socks again I will puke!