Monday, December 2, 2013

Is My Wart/Diamond Showing?

Let me start at the beginning. I have been a mother, more than half the time I have been alive! I was an offspring of a dysfunctional family and ended up being a statistic in the world of teenage moms and obsolete fathers.

I find myself speechless on so many levels lately.

 My life has so many turns and corners and crevasses.

I was accepted into a graduate program of a very prestigious christian college! Now anyone that reads my back ground knows I am not a very religious person.

I do believe in GOD and Jesus and a lot of religiously complicated things. However everyone always wants to know what religion I am. That brings me into a VERY long conversation, about not growing up in a religious family and finding my own way through my adult world sipping a little Kool-Aid here and there of all religions.

So as excited that I am to be pursuing my Masters Degree in an excellent school I'm just as nervous that my dysfunctional  "wart" will pop up and I will be thrown out into the street by my shirt tail. Can they do that? Can the President of the school come to me one day and simply say "You are not worthy" and have me removed from his school?

Don't get me wrong I am not saying I'm broken because I was a product of and then became a teenage mom. I'm simply saying I am human and God has a purpose for me , like he does everyone.

 However not everyone accepts flaws and accepts when the poorer of poor become as good as the always privileged have been. Not so often people are not fond of the "diamond in the rough" . I was coerced into seeing the Hunger Games Movies last week and it reminded me of this very thought!

I do plan attending this invite and pursuing my education, it is a driving force in my life to be a career student!
So here's to letting my Wart/Diamond shine!

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Devastated In Marital Bliss?

I don’t know this man I married!  My life has turned upside down! I am so hurt, heart broken, mad, frustrated, and overwhelmed right now. I can’t understand my own thoughts. I am flipping back and forth from devastation to antagonism and repugnance. I feel as if someone hijacked my life and head and left me in this terrible state of mind.

Less than 3 weeks ago on Tuesday Oct 8th, my husband of 1 year and 3 months had an affair! I am overwhelmed just thinking about it. I am and have been physically ill since then with the thoughts that my husband stuck his dick into a stranger, without a condom!

My initial reaction was anger. How could he have done this to me? How did this happen to me? Why did it happen to me? I just don’t understand. I can’t wrap my thoughts around the man I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with, having sexual relations with another person.

Now he would try to argue the fact that it wasn’t an affair it was only a one night stand. It doesn’t matter what you call it, he was unfaithful. He likes to say we had an “indiscretion” in our marriage because of him. I want to scream at him, “indiscretion my ass, you FUCKED someone else other than your wife, I don’t care how you sugar coat it!

You might be thinking how do I know, or how did I find out?

 Well let me begin the story from the Sunday the 6th. The kids went to their grandparents’ house for fall break, I worked all weekend and Sunday was the last night I had with him before I went out of town to see my sisters for a week of sisterly fun at the beach. I got off work I came home and he wanted to take me out to dinner. So we went to Appleby’s for a bite to eat and a couple drinks. Then the next morning I got up and drove the 6 hours to my sister’s house.

Monday was good I got to my sister’s at noon her time and I picked her up and we went out to lunch then picked up my nephews from school, made dinner and drank a bottle of wine. Tuesday my youngest sister and I took the kids to school, and then we headed to the beach all alone for the entire day. It was beautiful and relaxing. We went to lunch, hung out till dinner time then went home grilled out and drank a bottle of wine. Talked to my husband several time during all this. The usual, “when will you be home, I miss you, I love you” ….blah blah …. Wednesday we went to my older sisters’ house then shopping at the outlet center and lunch and dinner out then home to drink a bottle wine. Thursday we got up went to the mall and hung out shopping all day and eating lunch and just enjoying out last day together till next year, we did NOT drink a bottle of wine this night; I needed water!

Friday morning earlier than planned, I left to go home at 2:45 am! I was excited to be on my way to see my sexy husband and slip into a new lingerie outfit I bought. So two hours earlier than he had anticipated I pulled into my driveway, his car wasn’t home. I rushed in slipped into my batgirl outfit from head to toe, the black and yellow corset the black garter belt with thigh high sheer black stockings attached, with matching yellow string tied g- string with my knee high black leather boots on…..threw some makeup on and done my hair in a sexy tossed way, with some nice juicy red lipstick on!

I did all this, with no sight of him at all. So I tried to call him and beside the bed, his phone was ringing! So I pick it up, and on the screen it says “new text message”. So I open it, to my dismay it said…” thank you for the hookup and if you would like to try it again with a little less alcohol next time give me a call.”

Now picture this I am standing in my bedroom in a head to toe leather batgirl outfit with my husband phone in my hand when he walks in! Yes I’m very serious!

I call the girl, she is positive that she didn’t send the text to the wrong number. I am furious!

This girl talks to me and tells me every detail of their “indiscretion”! How he followed her from one bar to the next and was buying her drinks, wrote his name and number down for her, telling her he was divorced and his teenage daughter lived with her mom, wasn’t wearing his wedding ring. Then he followed her home and they fucked WITHOUT a condom, and he stayed the night and left on Wednesday morning.

This girl is not pretty, she isn’t even cute. She is not someone you would take home to your mom or be proud to show her off. She is fat and ugly with a butch hair cut and just looks dirty. I know this because she sent him a picture!

I just don’t understand why. You would think that if a man has an affair he would make sure it would be with someone worth loosing his wife, family, life, home and breaking his marriage vows for. Trust me she wasn’t that girl!

I just don’t know what I am going to do. Overwhelmed with feelings!

Monday, May 6, 2013

A Sexual Prenuptial?

I am needing some sex! From my husband that is! We can't seem to coordinate our sex life to accommodate each other! Is there a secret to it? Have I miss placed a manual somewhere? I wonder why I never thought of a sexual prenuptial? Does it really exist? Well apparently there is, and I should have known before..

 .......Legal Zoom actually has documents to help people with Sexual agreements before, during, and even after marriage! What ? Oh my I must have been hiding under a rock! Or maybe I just assumed that being a newly wed makes you desirable!

 So on Legal Zoom here's what I found!

"Sexual issues in prenuptial agreements can include how often a couple will have sex. One elderly pair settled on once a month, while a younger couple agreed to 3-4 times a week. Other couples stipulated mandatory sexual positions.".....

Are they serious? Someone would actually stipulate sexual positions? Just what kind of details would that include? I'm just curious........

I'm thinking maybe something like .......

You must kiss me every night before bed and kiss me every morning before leaving and you must start at my lips and kiss every inch of me all the way to my knees, paying special attention to my breasts and my lady parts, making sure to entice me with your lips, tongue and breath for at least two hours a week.........with no maximum limit of course! :) In addition to sex in any position you want at least one day a week at your desired time and location, with at least two other sexual encounters a week with me for life!

I don't feel like that is too much to ask!

Monday, April 29, 2013

I Am Still Alive!

Wow, it's been a long time. I will try to get caught up on all of my fellow bloggers posts and type out a few of mine this week....If anyone is still following .....if not I will still try lol ......So here's to getting a glass/bottle of wine and drafting a few posts to night and hopefully getting caught up on my blog! Oh how I have missed my blog! Toast!