Sunday, October 28, 2012

Lets Get Naked!


If you have read my blog previously you know that I grew up in an unconventional kind of home, with an odd set of parents. They made their way through this world with their own set of rules, a made up religion of parts others religions, and little to no common sense. There were no family values on raising children, and since I was born in the era of free love and drugs common sense would have been a great asset to my parents for raising us kids.

 

 I don’t condone nor agree with any of my parents’ parental guidance; however I could go back to living in a nudist community. There is always a good reason to get naked. No, I’m not into free love and drugs, but I do love the freedom and wholeness being naked makes me feel.

 

Uncomfortable clothing is just that, uncomfortable it distracts you from your daily functions and makes you miserable. They pinch and bunch and never fit right. Clothing for me is concealing and confining. Don’t take it as I have never found clothes that fit, I do, even though their few and far between. That doesn’t mean they are comfortable. Not to forget clothing is expensive.    

There is a freedom in being naked that few enjoy because we have learned through society
to be embarrassed. It is true we learned to be embarrassed. We probably learned this from Adam and Eve in biblical times, to cover up and be ashamed of our bodies.

My parents never instilled this since of shame on me; since they had no sense of a normal religion must less a Christian one. My father has claimed to be Mormon my entire life and my mom never affiliated herself with any one religion, so they made their way with kids in tow, through life making things up as they went. Hence the free love, drugs, and nudist colonies.    

 
The freedom of being naked makes me feel like there is nothing to hide behind, a deep
acceptance comes over me, and through this acceptance a deep calmness over takes me and gives me a sense of control and confidence in myself that I have felt before. It’s truly a unique empowerment that not everyone feels while their so open to others and vulnerable.

 

The feeling of being exposed is not for everyone, but you never know unless you try. Everyone should try doing laundry, cleaning the house, or any and everything naked! 

 

Got Naughty?



While naked in the shower the other day I was thinking I should start a naughty list….


No not an actual list, but instead a naughty guest blog list. I know everyone has a naughty side. I know some more than others, however not everyone has an anonymous blog. So I know that if your family and friends are on your blog, you probably don’t really say what you want all the time.


 Therefore I thought that I should host a naughty list for guest bloggers to post their naughty stories anonymously on my blog.

So here goes…. think of your naughtiest stories, fantasy or reality and email them to me at theanonymousperilsofassw75@yahoo.com make sure to think of an anonymous signature as well and sign your work or I will make one up for you  ……

I will not out you. I will not reveal any information except your blog post. I do not need any personal info just send me any naughty thoughts you have and I’ll post them anonymously as your naughty outlet, on my naughty list!

NO RULES just two suggestions:

1. Make sure you sign your work or I will make up a signature for you.

2. Make sure you spell check your work. I will NOT edit your work.


Let the naughtiness begin!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Where Did Passion Go?





I'm sitting in my bed with my husband's laptop blogging naked while he is at work. I often do this while he is at home and upstairs watching movies or playing an online game, trying to wait me out and make sure I'm asleep before he comes downstairs for fear that I'll want sex! This has been a regular occurrence since we he has gained a few extra pounds that he isn't use to having.

Ok I get it, he doesn't feel sexy...and he doesn't like the extra weight he has acquired in the last six months, but who does...That by no means,  means that his wife doesn't find him sexy and irresistible!

I'm all for naked! I'm all for hair-pulling push me up against a wall and have your way with me sex! He is the only man I know that would complain about his wife always wanting to get him naked and get frustrated for even mentioning sex to him.  So I really should not have told him the about the texting my and my BFF were texting but he asked and I told him the truth. He was not at all thrilled that I was discussing our sex life lack of a sex life with anyone, however if he isn't willing to talk about it I only have two options..one being my BFF and the other is blogging about it.

Anyway she sent me a picture of this man laying beside his wife sleeping with a caption over his head that said....I thought we were going to have sex..I could be on the Internet right now!

I responded with, my husband does the opposite..he stays on the Internet until he is sure I'm asleep.

She responded "Oh poor D, he has a wife that is sex crazy. I'm sure he wouldn't complain to his buddy's about it"

in which I laughed and responded not a chance. This is when he walked in and asked my what was so funny and I showed him the texts.....He was not happy!

Why is he so disheveled about his weight , and why doesn't he do something about it instead of shunning his wife in the bedroom because he has body issues? I thought only women had these kind of issues.
I know a little that was a little stereotyping comment..sorry ladies, but it's true , that is what I thought.

I want my passionate husband back! I want the man that I texted one day last spring right after he left for work and said "come back I miss you" and he sent back "what would you want me to do if I did come back" and I responded in detail what I would want him to do to me and within twenty minutes he was back in our driveway fulfilling my every wish of pushing my up against the bedroom wall stripping my of every inch on clothing and having his way with me! :)   ! That is the man I want back in my presence please!

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Appendage Abuse II "Carpe Scrotum"




As you all know appendage talk is very sensitive to me so I will tread lightly when I tell this story of how my youngest son. He seems to be following in the foot steps of his mom. If you have read any of my previous posts about appendages, you will know this is a very heartbreaking and cringing subject on my blog.

So my son has two dirt bikes and he rides them every second  he gets a chance to be on them. I live in a city setting, so he has his dirt bikes and his dads and his papaw's houses. One beautiful day last year while I was at work at the hospital my phone rang and it was my ex husband screaming something about blood everywhere.....

Once I get him to calm down to a level of comprehension, I realized my son had wrecked his dirt bike. Ok this is where I went into medical mode.....I have several different modes depending on the situation...for example if I had been there I would have been in panic mode, but since I wasn't there I was at work, I went into medical trauma mode. 1. access the situation 2. what is the level of the trauma 3. what kind of transportation are we needing, as in should I send out the trauma 1 helicopter ?

So first question, what is bleeding, where is the blood coming from? My ex's response........his pants! What ? OMG are you serious....the last couple of times I got calls from his dad about a bleeding body part it was his head. He has had two sets of stitches in his face. One from walking into his dads tailgate of his truck and the other from slipping on a mossy rock at a park. However this wasn't in his face this time.....

My next question is, can he take off his pants or can you cut off his pants and tell me where the blood is coming from...while you are putting him in the car and heading this way please! It is a 45 min drive from his dads to the hospital.....

So with his pants off (teenager mortified)and with his dad again screaming.... he has hurt his private parts! REALLY! Your his dad and a grown man please elaborate on which "private parts" are bleeding! his response.....OMG there is blood all over i cant tell...all while my son is calm and mortified that he is in his dads truck without his pants in only a towel covering his bottom half, while his dad is looking at his privates and his stepmom is driving.

Apparently when he laid his dirt bike down in an attempt to avoid a tree his leg got caught under the bike and he ended up under  it, the foot peg caught a hold of his scrotum sack and tore it open!

By the time he got to the hospital the bleeding had subsided, however his dad was still freaking out and my son was still mortified. After some pain meds, a few numbing injections (yes needles) and 16 stitches in his scrotum sack my son was  feeling better....all while telling me I better not for any reason EVER repeat the events of today.


I would think that it would be cool for a teenage boy to have a battle story about having had stitches in his ball sack.......ummm not my son he is still mortified if ever reminded of them!
 

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

I'm tired of my fingers smelling like my vagina!

Don't get me wrong I like the smell of my vaja-ja and I even like to masturbate, however it gets really old really quick, if that's all that's going on down there. So me and my tens fingers went shopping today. Yes, to the adult toy store down the road.

I so happened to pick the perfect day to go shopping in the adult toy store, there was a sale happening! lol Who knew they have things on sale in the erotica toy business? So anyway I have been in this store before and I wasn't impressed before so why would I have a different experience alone? Well we will just say I was in desperate need of some attention down there and I didn't have the time nor money to drive to the big city to get it.

So this little  lingerie shop with toys a mile from my house was perfect. All except it is owned by a very large and in charge married couple that are rude and not happy ever! I wonder why they own this little shop in the first place. They literally have "do not " do this and "do not" do that signs all over the place even before you walk into the place and don't attempt to answer your phone in there or even think about reaching for your phone, they will tackle you and warn you, that NO pictures are allowed in this place. And they aren't nice about it!

 For example as I'm checking out the lady says, this isn't the one I told you that it was 19.99 this one is 24.99....ok I know I read the sticker......are you sure you don't want the other one.....yes I'm sure, thank you though......well this one comes with a FREE penis shaped sleeve, would you like to pick one out to go with your purchase.....No thank you......Maybe you didn't hear me, I said they are FREE!.....No thank you I said......Well they come with this purchase all you have to do is pick one out it's free! ......NO Thank you! ........I don't think you understood me I said it's free!.....I finally said I completely understand you, I can read and speak english and I do not want a penis shaped sleeve to go over my silver bullet, it is more of an inconvience, it would be something else I have to hide and clean, so again NO THANK YOU!............Really people!

Anyway back to my fingers, they are tired and I am tired for them. So I thought I'd get me a new silver bullet . Seemed quite harmless to include a silver bullet into my newly wed relationship. Well to me it was, but not so much  to my husband, I might as well bought the biggest dildo in there and brought it home. Anyway, I didn't I bought a small little multi-speed dial silver bullet. Which I paid cash for because my bank nor the bank statement needs to reflect an incorrect opinion of my purchase or leave the imagination to the spectators. However I did stuff it to store it in an old checks box. How ironic, that if a thief breaks in and goes through my night stand to find things , that a box of checks might not be exactly what they might had in mind when they open it....lol

I came straight home opened it, washed it and began using.!  It was glorious! I haven't cummed so hard and so many times in a few weeks and I needed the release before I go insane. The little intense vibrating bullet , that really looks more like a missile is so very intense. It literally takes less than a minute to bring me to full blown and leg shaking organisms. I literally use to keep one in the glove box of my car for those occasions when you get  stuck in traffic. It made it a lot more fun. :)

So it has been about two years since I had my last toy and I don't know why I haven't replaced it sooner, but I intend on making sure I get my money's worth out of my newly bought silver friend, I would even let my husband tease me with it if he wasn't so offended that I purchased it.


Thursday, August 2, 2012

Ghost From The Past

Back in May of this year I was going through all my photo albums to find pictures for the slide show at my wedding and came across pictures form when I was in 4 th and 5th grades. I posted them on face book not realizing that ghost from the past would shortly bombard me.
I posted class pictures and my favorite teacher of all time was in them as well. I asked my fellow facebookers if anyone knew the teachers first name so I might look her up and thank her , and so the story started right there. within minutes I facebooked her and was in tears after several short emails and catching up I told her why I looked her up. And here is how it went.
 
Me:
May 10
  •  I just want to you to know you meant the world to me. I was a lost little girl who didn't even know I was lost till you came into my life. I know you don't know and didn't know the family dynamic situations of your students, but you still managed to bring light into my life. The personal conversations you had with us girls about our bodies and our personal space was a blessing beyond comprehension! I couldn't even begin to explain how much you mean to me for the teachings you gave me and my fellow students. I tried to type this without crying myself but that didn't happen either. If you care to here my story I will gladly share it with you but for know with out bombarding you , I will just say THANK you with ALL my heart!
  • Mrs. S
  • ....I am here.......Never feel you will bombard me!
ME:

I was a little overwhelmed earlier but I'm better now. I grew up in an odd family, my parents were swingers and we lived in a nudest colony a good majority of my elementary school years. You were the only adult that I truly trusted for the first time in my life and I know God sent you to help me. Because of the talks you had with the girls in our classes because of the time you gave to me and my girlfriends, it was because of you that my life turned around and became better. Sounds cliche huh....I bet from an outside person it probably does and I've never told this story to anyone but as a child I was molested by my uncle and because of you, I told someone! Because of you I spoke up and it stopped! Nothing happened to him and the people I told never believed me but he stopped after I told.
I could never tell you how much you impacted my life and although you never knew it, you saved my life. Those little moments when you took time to talk to just us girls about our bodies and our personal space changed my life!~ Thank you
Mrs. S
..........First off: I am sorry it took me a day to respond back to you. I went to bed at 10 last night......which I NEVER do, but I have been doing so much here at the end of the school year...and I was so tired. Second: I am working for the American Federation of Teachers out of Maryland for the Common Core activities that will be coming out in the summer. I am editing over 100 spreadsheets for them. I fly out next Friday for the weekend to MD to do a marathon editing for them. Third: I am still wrapping up 19 days left of school with my 2nd graders......which makes me SOOOOO sad to pass them on!
So sweet (my name).......What a trying life experience for a young girl!!! As my principal for 19 years here in Volusia County always said.... "We really DO NOT know where these children are coming from!" In your case.....you were trapped.......but YOU got out! YOU were strong! And it sounds like you are stronger from that HORRIBLE experience. It makes my heart hurt that you had to go through that.........Life is so unfair sometimes!!! I am so proud that you spoke up......and saved yourself. As we get older, we realize that the ONLY one who can help us ......is yourself. As a teacher....you hope and pray that you make a difference in their academic life.....but we know there is more to our profession than that! It is not all ABC and 123! I have always known that God has put me on this Earth to be a teacher and mother. I treat my students like they are my own children......push them, praise them, love them and yes........even cook for them! I LOVE what I do.....and bottom line........I just want to make a difference in every life. I am glad I was there for you.......but, sweet (my name)...... YOU MADE THE DIFFERENCE! YOU STOPPED IT!
I am sooooooo thankful you did!
Sending you love and strength to keep healing and continue a wonderful life! Love, Mrs. S :)
Me:
Thank you so much for your response, to my email. You are truly a gift from God and I'm so glad that he has blessed your life, as he has mine! I'm so proud of you for continuing your career and giving so much of yourself for the youth of our generation! I'm so glad that I have you as a friend and mentor. Good luck and have a safe trip to MD, my father's Italian family are form there, that is where he was born. I hope you enjoy the last few days of school with your 2nd graders. I know they are enjoying you! Thank you again for your response and encouragement. I am blessed to have you in my life again. I hope when I visit Florida again in your area I could take you to lunch or stop by and hi at least.

I'm so happy for you! Thank you Mrs. S! love me

I feel like I had a huge weight lifted off of me after this conversation was finished! I can't say enough about Great teachers! We need more of them!

    Sunday, July 29, 2012

    Wedding Night Bliss?

    This blog post is what I'm going to coin as a pg/r/pg rated blogwich (like a sandwich, meaning the first part is pg and the middle is rated R and it ends pg) :)

    Our wedding was wonderful, it was a beautiful ceremony with our closest family and friends. We had 35 or so guests and my dress was awesome. It was what I always thought it would be as a little girl! :)

    Friends and family had a great time. Ceremony started at 6:30pm so we had the entire day to prepare. Hair, makeup, dress, tuxes and rental car check. One sick vomiting kid...ugh and he was mine, but it was from all the candy he had eaten all day and all the cokes he wasn't use to having. He was better once my sister who is a nurse took him home and fed him chicken soup. Wedding went quick and it was lots of fun, then came the honeymoon!

    Let me start by saying letting your new husband of two hours carry all the money , might have some hiccups in the situation sooner rather than later.

    We got all settled in our rental car for our trip to Atlanta to catch the early flight out to the Dominican Republic for 7 days. Got about 20 miles down the road and realized we had no luggage, it was still in my car, that my sister took with her. Luckily we caught her and she met us to get our luggage. It was now midnight!

    We had a wonderful trip to Atlanta checked into our hotel and he quickly grabbed me and peeled off over my head the sun dress I had replaced my wedding dress with to reveal my white lace corset with matching strings thongs, which didn't stay on long as it quite quickly hit the floor and I was lowered to the bed, he began to kiss me softly on my lips as he made his way across to my ear and down my neck kissing every inch of skin to where his hands were cupping my breasts tenderly massaging my nipples to make them firmly stand at attention till his lips and tongue could reach them.

    Slowly his hands released my breast and began a smooth slither down my ribs, then down my waist to my hips to let his mouth take over my nipples. As he was making sure to give each of my breast ample attention with his tongue his hand was now cupping my womanness taking in the heat that being emitted and was rising and forming a wetness. My little white lacy panties were maneuvered to the side as he gently took the tip of one finger and dipped it slightly into my pussy to dampen it and to feel the moisture and heat rise while slowly moving up to find my clit which was then starving for some attention. The first touch sent shivers up my entire body, he continued  manipulating my clit to maximum alertness . Moving his mouth up to mine we passionately kissed while he slid my panties off and got his shirt and pants off to reveal his solid manhood. My wet desiring mouth made it slowly down his body to engulf his manhood into it feeling it's heat fill my mouth while my tongue lapped  up the dipping wetness of him, he was begging to be inside me, I slowly went back up and we met in the middle as his hardness found my wetness for some slipping in and out fun, feeling the heat and dripping wetness down my thighs onto the bed while I was firmly but gently with force holding on  to his back with my nails dug in panting to the rhythm of his thrusts till our climaxes collided in a hot wet moment of throbbing greatness and he collapsed on the bed beside me.

    By this time it's 2:45 in the morning and making sure we had our things together we gather our melted bodies up to make sure our luggage and carry ones were all packed appropriately to quickly realize that we have NO money! Yes my newly acquired god of love making had left all our money in his tux pocket in which my sister who lives in northern Georgia so graciously volunteered to return the next day for us. So she had it more than 2 hours away and it was t-5 hours till take off to our honeymoon. So I called my sister who again graciously met us half way with our money but by this time my husband was asleep in the passenger seat and I drove there and back so at around 6 am I finally get into bed to wake up two hours later frantically trying to get our things together and get to the airport before take off, and foolishly forgetting that we hadn't stopped for gas to top off the rental car at 6 in the morning only for the rental company to charge an extra $110 for a half tank of gas! Note: do not ever return a rental car without topping off the gas tank first!

    We happily and thankfully made it to our flight and safely to our all inclusive honeymoon suite for a week of wedded bliss in the beautiful Dominican Republic by 2 pm.......to be continued with pics on another post for another day. :)

    Saturday, July 28, 2012

    Crotch Lightening?

    Ok so milk does the body good....inside and out right....you know the good for calcium for your bones and good for the skin for moisture? But, your crotch? whoa hold up one minute I had to google this after an incident yesterday....so this is what google gave me http://www.tandurust.com/health-faq/dark-crotch-remedies-and-treatment.html . Apparently you can lighten your crotch with milk! Who knew!

    Learn something new everyday!

    I would have never guessed that sour milk or buttermilk although they are high in lactic acid would have been proven to lighten skin in your crotch area. However the website states that you can apply sour milk or buttermilk on your crotch for a lighter and better texture on the said area!

    So I googled milk crotch because as I thought my day yesterday was going to be fantastic because it started out with breakfast at Panera (which I love). Quite quickly turned into a wet milky crotch for the rest of my day, and work shift for 12 hours! Showering at midnight!

    Yes I ordered a bagel and a milk to go. Unfortunately Panera's cups are not the sturdiest cups and the slightest squeeze sends liquid quickly rushing out the top and over spilling for fear of bearing squished after being squeezed and churned and so far the last thing milk wants it to be squeezed in a flimsy plastic cup.

     So I happy order a cinnamon crunch bagel, and a skim milk, graciously thanking the lady at the register and walking out to my car.

    I get all settled in my car, put the milk in-between thighs....not my smartest moment....ok then I begin to put my stick shift (my manual transmission) car into reverse and apparently in the process of pressing in the clutch on my car my thighs clenched together and the milk in my little flimsy cup runneth over into my crotch!

    Scrambling for napkins or anything at this point to try to dry my scrubs off before reaching the hospital to start my 12 hour shift I managed to spill the rest of my milk in my crotch!

    Fortunately, I have no air conditioning in my car so the milk will dry on my scrubs before my 45 min drive to the hospital, However; unfortunately I have no air conditioning in my car so by the time I get to work my crotch with smell of spoiled milk and my scrubs will be dry so it will be an awkward conversation if anyone notices!

    So notes to self :
    1.ALWAYS use the cup holders located conveniently in the center console of my car.
    2. Don't try to drive with a flimsy cup between your thighs.
    3. Check to see if this really did lighten my crotch....how would I know? I don't think I've honestly ever thought about the color spectrum in my crotch area! (although my husband told me I had a very nicely colored va-jay-jay and not to be concerned with it) lol
    4. Don't try lightening your crotch on the go, it's too messy.



    Operation Sex Drive!

    I'm not sure how I got so far behind on my blogging. It's been a year since I blogged and I've missed it, however I just couldn't gather the motivation for sitting at the computer and typing things out. I've had plenty of things to say and plenty of time to say it in, I just didn't do it. It's like I lost my Mo-Jo! I seem to have that effect on things.

    So a whole year! Wow I have a lot of catching up to type about, don't I?

    Ok so last year I got engaged, we bought a house and against better judgement of family we moved in together. Things went as expected! Living with someone makes everyone make adjustments in living, breathing, thinking, eating, crying, laughing, loving, and any other daily activities anyone could possibly think of. Yes it's true, however I do always stay the same person. I have never tried to be someone else or make the man I'm dating think I was anything but me.

    Even my husband (yes it's official I did get married), said I pretty much told him who I was the first night, he said he thought I may have been trying to scare him off.....lol I found that funny! So as I was saying I am me, but we all know men change things up often and put their best foot forward in the beginning then as time moves on and newness wears off, things to women seems to become more obvious whether or not we can live, tolerate, and or deal with the man he really is.....ok to be fair women do this also the whole bait and switch of the person you think the other person wants.

    So after two failed marriages I know this one is the real one and it will prevail through thick and thin and  so on and so forth...This doesn't mean I'm not going to bitch about it when I'm not happy with a situation, I am a woman!

    So if you recall any of my previous post including the one about the man of steel, you know many things get in the way of sex! Apparently I broke something! No I'm not abusing appendages this time, I mean something is broke and I don't know what?

    What's more frustrating a woman who says "nothing" when asked what's wrong? or a man?
    How about asking what is the problem, and the response being I don't know! What's broken? How do we fix this if no one is talking. You would think I would be the one not talking right? saying nothing is wrong and I don't know....This is what men complain about right? Us not talking or avoiding the conversations with statements of "I don't know" and "Nothing"!  And then bottling it up to boil over time to explode at a later date! Yes I admit I have done this a time or two, but not this time! It wasn't me! However my husband has these issues which I found out on our honeymoon !

    Time to get to the bottom of things
    Problem: we have been married two months and have had sex about four(4) times since returning  from our honeymoon!
    Solution: have sex!

    Seems pretty simple right?
    Apparently not so much!

    Plan B
    Problem: no sex and no one is talking about it.
    Solution: Talk about it and get to it!

    Plan C
    Problem: no sex, no problems and nothing is wrong and he doesn't know.
    Solution: TALK!

    Plan E
    Problem: 2am have to be at work at 7 am and still up trying to drag out the problem.
    Solution: stop talking and have sex :)

    FYI(yes I purposely skipped D and F, because D(divorce) is not a plan or an option and neither is F(failure).

    Plan G
    Problem: that solved one issue...Sex was great as always, so why are we not having it everyday?
    Answer? I don't know!
    Solution: sleep on it and regroup, I'm exhausted and need sleep.

    Plan H
    Problem: no sex in a newly wed couple, is NOT normal!
    Solution: SEX! Operation Sex Drive is now activated! Now to implement the necessary plans to get the bottom of the missing sex drive of my husband!

    Just ranting, but open to any suggestions!