Appendage Abuse II "Carpe Scrotum"

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MANHOODS BEWARE

I have to admit I'm not the safest person to have around appendages. Not even my own are safe, you all know this because I told you in a previous blog post about my painful nipple incident.
I think I may have committed the ultimate crime upon a penis....well not really I do believe that Lorena Bobbitt owns that prestigious and utmost crazy title!

So let me begin by saying there was no predetermined malicious thoughts to harming my man's manhood, it was strictly a horrible accident! Here's the series of unfortunate events of that night that will and should make every man reading this cringe.

D and I were making love and as we do on often occasions, switching positions from missionary to doggy style. Once we got situated and we were getting rather loud and into it I decided to reach down from underneath to touch myself. I do that quite often so I didn't realize the harm in it this time around. D was sliding in and out as I was touching myself and we were getting louder and faster, and louder and faster to the point of climax when tragedy struck!

D's manhood slipped out on his way back and on his rebound forward he simultaneously but instantly missed and instead of finding my wet warm spot he "sliced" his manhood across my very long but real fingernails! Yes, one of my fingernails was in the direct line of a speeding, rebounding penis!

Needless to say our rather hot and passionate moment was instantly over in that slice! There was a gashed opening from the head of his penis about an inch and half long down his shaft, gushing blood all over the place. Once we got the bleeding to stop and we disinfected the area, I was horrified that I had unintended maliciously mangled one of my mans body parts! :( I felt and feel so very bad about harming his manhood!

We were out of commission for about a week while he healed and disinfected the area leaving a scar of our unintended malicious mishap of that day!

Once all healed up and ready for some fun my man ready to get back into action, pulled me into the tanning bed room at our local gym! Yes the most germ filled place in the world, a gym! We had sex inside the stand up tanning bed before our workout that day!

The Abuse of My Nipples!

So last night something funny happened! I thought I was going to pee my pants it was so very funny! I got up out of bed to turn my computer off and when I climbed back into bed over top of D the only part of my body that touched his ribs was my right nipple. The millisecond my nipple touched his ribs a static shock ran from my nipple to his ribs and we both said ouch at the same time then burst into laughter! OMG I swear that was the funniest thing.

So since we are now talking about nipples let me tell you all about the time last summer when I shaved a chunk out of my left nipple! OUCH! NO I don't shave my boobs...lol nor do I shave my chest.

I was at my youngest sister's house and was in the shower and all you ladies know how it is a balancing act to prop one leg up on the edge of the tub while standing in the shower and bending over trying to shave your legs one at a time while standing on one foot.

Ok so I was doing just that when my foot slipped off the side of the tub and my knee jerk reaction sent my hand with my razor up past my knee soaring past my belly button and onto the only appendage sticking out far enough to catch the edge of the razor! Yes my nipple! OUCH I screamed as blood dripped down breast onto the shower floor, but no one heard me. :(

I was in pain but I just had to tell my sister what I had done because I knew she would find it very funny. As she did, and so did my brother in law once we took off to the beach for the day and the salt water from a wave splashed up onto my bathing suit top and seeped right through to the open wound on my left nipple and I screamed in pain! OUCH!

What Was I Thinking?!

Yes, unfortunately I'm officially "out of order". I woke up Saturday morning not feeling so well. I was having a little issue "down-there". NO it isn't an STD, it was a boil that kept getting bigger and bigger, right in the inside crease of my leg. You know where your panties and jeans hit you. Yes right there! OMG it hurt so damn bad I couldn't even walk by Monday morning!

By Monday afternoon I was at the Doctors office in tears. As I undressed from the waist down I was horrified that boil looked like an alien coming out of my skin...GROSS! Just trust me it was GROSS! So I crawled up on the table and it started draining all down my leg and onto the thin ass paper table cover as I pulled the other thin ass paper cover on top of me...(for modesty reasons...yeah right ), I then had to ...yep you guessed it...put my feet in those damn stirrups!

Waiting there flat on my back, because I can't sit on my ass it hurt too bad....and waiting ...and waiting...the midwife comes in that has always seen me for every visit asks my a few questions, the poked her head down there to check out why I was crying on her table.......silence........still silent......then she said "I need to go get the doctor to look this I think it needs to be lanced". OMG! For the next hour I laid on the table crying my eyes out while he "numbed" (which is an oxymoron, because they stuck this huge ass needle in my sore spots and it hurt like HELL) the area was then sliced open drained out and packed, the now bigger wound, with gauze! OMG I hurt !

Procedure was done and I very carefully crawled my way back out to my car, thinking I can make it home! WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING!
I made it to the Walmart, where I thought my prescriptions would be ready since my Dr. called them in before I left.....again WHAT WAS I THINKING!
I was in so much pain that a woman I know that just so happened to be my ex-fiance's mom walked over to see how I was doing and I PASSED OUT! yes! PASSED OUT in Walmart!
There I was on the Walmart pharmacy floor with 20 or more people around me. Luckily C (the ex's mom) picked up my cell and called my sister to come get me. Unfortunately if you have been following my blog I haven't talked to my sister in over two months, and she told her to call my son.

My 18 yr old son shows up in his junky hoopty non-legal 4 door Oldsmobile that couldn't possibly have a muffler on it, car with a few "gangsta" friends that all smell like POT! I'm serious when I say non-legal not even 6 hours after that, he was pulled over and booked for drug possession and him and his gangsta friends are sitting in the county jail waiting for their court date which is set for Dec 7th. Yes apparently the twenty bucks I gave him for gas (because his car was on E when he picked me up) , went straight the local drug dealers and when his car quit running for lack of gas in the middle of the our town square (IE:the court house in the center of town that you literally have to drive around to get to where ever you go here). The local PO-PO in which I'm fairly close to stops to check and smells POT (shocking! lol). YES My son is still sitting in the county jail and will remain there till court. (don't judge me, he needs to learn a lesson, besides his grandparents and all his family and friends have agreed to leave him there)

Long story short I made it home safely and I am now feeling better thanks to my antibiotics and a bunch of hydrocodones, after my followup visit on Wednesday. I hope to be back in working order by my next followup visit on Monday! PRAY for me!