I Can't Stop Smiling!

I literally can't stop smiling! I am generally a smiley person, but this week has been wonderful! I have been talking to D.

We went on a nice dinner date on Tuesday night where we literally couldn't stop talking, touching, or smiling. In fact we sat there in the restaurant till the staff had put up all the chairs and the manager came out to politely tell us that we didn't have to go home but we couldn't stay there...lol

What the hell has come over me! Let me start by saying first this week started off like this....for the first time in over 5 years I turned T down for sex! OMG I didn't even think about it I just did it, I told him no.

Then after the dinner and conversation on Tuesday he asked if I'd like to have dinner with his parents next week for his birthday (which I have already gotten him a gift for..shhhh)! I didn't even hesitate to say yes I would love to.

What the hell has gotten into me...I think I have been possessed by some giddy smiley teenager!

Then he says "want to take the kids to dinner and a movie this week?". Again I said yes!

So tonight we met at dinner with my 12 year old son and his 10 year daughter. We had a nice dinner and everyone got along great. Then we went to the theater to see the new Disney movie Tangled, which was great! After the movies we stopped by the game room for the kids to play arcade games and where we played a game of air hockey and he beat me badly, only because I couldn't stop laughing! (OK he beat me fairly lol) .

After the dinner and a movie and games, his daughter and I decided that we should all go for ice cream. Secretly it was my plan to offer it so that I could spend more time with him :) OMG what is wrong with me! So we all go get ice cream (which totally screwed up my week I spent at the gym this week ....lol) and sit for another 45 minutes laughing and talking.

Unfortunately both the kids have to go to school in the morning, so being the responsible parents we are, we called it a night!

Wow, I can't recall ever feeling this way this fast about anyone, especially anyone that returned the feelings. I only remember having this feeling for T after our first date over 5 years ago and he quickly shot it down! I am totally in unmarked territory! I am freaking out! I haven't even had sex with him yet! I don't want to screw this up! I screw everything up!

Why now?
Why him?
I wasn't looking!
I was happy being single!
OMG!
Someone stop me from smiling my cheeks hurt!

My Head Hurts From Thinking!

D has been texting me all day while he and I have been at work! We have so much to talk about. He told me he was in "like" with me(it's like a school yard crush ;)). He also said that he has been bragging to his buddies that he has a "hot" new lady who likes him!

He was so cute the other night when he came over. He said I have a surprise....really? ....he then pulled out his camera and said I have something you need to see....so when he turned it on the pictures from the night we met were on it and a video of us at the bar we met in.

Yes 3 years ago, on a chance meeting because I got stood up, when I ended up at the sports bar in my evening gown, were our pictures together of two strangers striking up a romance from the start.

I was amazed ...what is even funnier he had a friend with him at the bar taking the pictures and video of us that night and I don't even recall him having a friend with him that night, I only remember him!

WOW...I'm pretty excited and anxious, he invited my son and I to a movie Thursday night after school and to dinner. I think it will be fun so we made plans to have a kids night out with the two preteens- his ten year old daughter and my twelve year old son.

I think he likes me! I'm super excited..

So now when do I move it to the next level?

How do I give up T and when?

I'm am really nervous...OMG I need to calm down and go with the flow or I will scare him off!

Shit I want to jump up and down with excitement already!

I have officially gone crazy! I think I'm way over thinking this already, but he is keeping a smile on my face!

Oh and he just texted me and said by the way on my way home tonight I stopped by the theater and got all of our tickets for the movie on Thursday! I'm impressed, he must be really thinking he is going to stick around and make me fall for him! :)

Indecisive Men?

Indecisive, whiny, do what you want men, UGH! Ok then, there probably is a woman out there somewhere that wants one, I'm NOT her!

What is wrong with men like this? Why can't they just make a damn decision on there own. Not everything has to become a brainstorming session. Everything from drinks to sex with these men seems to be someone else's idea.

Example 1:

me-What would you like to drink, I have tea, water, milk, and apple juice.

Man- I don't care just pour me whatever.

Me- I don't have what ever, what would you like out of the options I gave you?

Man-I don't care just whatever you have.

Me-I'm not thirsty so what do you want?

Man- I don't care.

Me- Ok well get up and pour yourself something to drink then!

Example 2:

Man- Are you planning on coming over tonight?

Me- I will if you want me to but I'm not planning on it.

Man- You can if you want.

Me- No shit Sherlock, I know I can I asked if you wanted me to.

Man- Whatever you want I don't care either way, do what you want.

Me- No I'm not coming because your dumbass can't make a decision on what it is that you want.

Man- huh, why is it about what I want now?

Me- It's not now. I'm not coming!

It's pretty damn pathetic if a man can't even make a decision on whether or not he wants sex!

Scratching My Head Confused

Last night I talked to J and he said I'm coming over tomorrow night, I said great I'll see you then. At lunch he called and didn't say he had changed his mind. We were just talking about normal stuff and I told him what i was making for dinner and that it would be ready when he got here. So I made dinner I made him a plate and put it in the microwave and 4 o'clock came and went. No call, no text!

5 o'clock I texted him and asked if he was coming and he said probably not! WTF! So I went on about my business although not happy that he stood me up but I had things to do. He sent me several texts in between my errands this evening and my not so timely responses pissed him off! SERIOUS!

Then he sent this "ok I give, ur done w me that's cool needs to b anyway ur to shady 4 me anyhow"
What? Did he just dump me through a text?! We weren't dating and he wasn't obligated to break up or even respond to me and who does that! This is exactly why I don't date younger men (boys)!

Shady? me shady? I'm the most upfront honest female he has ever been with and I must have intimidated him to the point of breakage! Whatever J ...moving on!

I Want To Kiss A Girl

I have never even thought about the concept of kissing a woman. However recently within the past year I have had many thoughts about it. It started with a woman that works in the same hospital. It's not someone I see a lot she works in a different department. I can't just shake this urge to want to kiss her.

I hardly ever see her but she is beautiful. No, not like model beautiful. She is very average built with dark eyes and long dark hair with a warm olive complexion. She has a beautiful plumpness to her. I have had several dreams about her even though I haven't seen her in a few months.






Just the thought of lightly pressing my lips to hers makes me breathe a little deeper. I swear I have never had these feeling toward another woman before. This is very strange to me.






So is this just a one time thought ? If so why won't it go away! The thought of lesbians doesn't excite me. It doesn't repulse either. I believe people should love everyone no matter their gender or color. I'm just curious as to why I keep having this urge to kiss this woman.

Life For An Adolescent Misjudgement?

Here’s a little back ground info on myself. When I was 14 I was dating a 16 year old, when I was 15 I was pregnant by the same 17 year old and married with a kid at 16 to the same 18 year old. My sister who was 13 had a live in …Yes I said “live-in “boyfriend who was 19 years old. That should be all I need to say on how I was raised.

Now, I’ll to get to my reason, for this blog. I was recently introduced to a man, yes by my crazy sister, that is nice, polite, cute, funny, smart, and honest. He was very upfront about his past and very honest about why he was so forthcoming with all his information.

J- Is 30. He spent 3 years in prison for probation violation for statutory rape when he was 22. He was 22 the girl was the 15 year old daughter of one of the city officials in our small southern town. He said it never happened and she said it never happened but her dad and mom still had him convicted of it.

So here’s the dilemma of the day. He is a “registered sex offender” because of it. Yes he told me up front about it, had all his court documents to collaborate his side of the story and told me he is a “registered sex offender”. I am trying not to judge him on his past “mess ups”, but I’d be lying to say my heart didn’t sink down into my toes when I looked him up on the sex offender registry in our state.

Now I know he has done his time and has stayed out of trouble since, so why am I so concerned? Well the stigma of dating a “registered sex offender” is a concern. My sister has a 15 year old, and out of concern and respect for her I must tell her if I have him around right? Is it her business? I’m confused on this part of it. I feel like I should tell her, but then again I feel like it was an isolated past event that isn’t anyone’s business. Am I right?

I know that if my parents had concerned themselves with whom my sisters and I were sleeping with then the “sex registered offenders” would be more plentiful for sure. Seriously I understand protecting our daughters from sex offenders, but I also understand protecting our sons from over-protective dads who think their daughters do no wrong, and the insane mothers who would swear in front of a judge their daughter was raised better than that.

I may have this all wrong, but I feel like I can justify my thoughts and make a stand on this situation. Any comments or advice are welcome. Why must we make these people pay with the rest of their lives for an adolescent mistake or misjudgement?

The Ex's BFF

Monday I talked to Tim who is my 2nd ex-husbands, best friend. Ok, So it's not the greatest choice for hooking up with someone that's your ex is friends with much less his "best" friend. Ok here's the story.....

Six years ago when I was going through my last divorce, so was Tim. He had tried at that point to date me...awkward! I thought he was just hanging around to get information to relay back to my ex, which would have been logical, but logic with men is scarce. I ignored him, mainly because the friends circle would have been un-broken and my ex would have killed us both! He eventually decided that he couldn't leave his kids and remarried his ex (because that always works, right?).

Tim is a good guy, guy next door type, a great father to his kids and a hard worker. He is so so sweet and would make great boyfriend material except for he's my ex's bff. He is currently going through his second divorce from the same woman whom is the mother of his children (2). I'm not quite sure why he thinks it will work now and not before (the leaving of his marriage). However I do kinda like him and all his cuteness.

Wrong of me? I don't know, since my ex has been remarried for almost as long as we have been divorced. Is there a statue of limitations on an ex mans bff? I'm not sure about this one. He has come by every day this week before going to work to talk to me. Oh and he did buy me a washer and microwave for my new apartment...did I mention he was a good guy!

He came by this morning to chat and just mentioned casually that he had told my ex that we had been talking for a week now and waited for his reaction. I don't know if that was the brightest of ideas but like I mentioned before logic is scarce in men. So my ex apparently said nothing to him about it and changed the subject. odd? Yes I find that very odd, but I think Tim took it as acceptance and approval. I am not quite sure how I feel about that.

To answer your curiosity, NO I have never touched the man. No kisses, no touches, no sex, and or sexual behavior with him or towards him. Just a slow casual kind of brewing relationship, the man is still legally married. So advice anyone how should I proceed with this relationship or lack of? I'm thinking that it will run it's course and he will return to his family, in which case I would be fine with it.