Saturday, August 7, 2010

I’m No Bendable Barbie?

Why is it that men think when they get you into a sexual position that you automatically become “bendable Barbie”? Seriously?

My legs don’t bend that why, my ankles aren’t made to go up that far and my back doesn’t have a hinge!

I’m pretty sure that all my girlfriends have had this same experience before, but for those of you that haven’t, you’re sure to find this humorous!

I seem to find these men that think that once I’m “lubed” that my parts become bendable! My parts don’t bend in awkward ways or positions! My ankles don’t ever go up past my ears, hell I’m lucky to bend over and tie my shoes on a daily basis. In fact my shoes stayed double knotted and I just slip then on! Seriously! Most the time I’m lucky to see past my boobs much less see my ankles.

What about the splits? Why do they think that if I can’t do the splits in my daily life, where one of my legs go straight out in front of me and the other goes straight out behind me that the fact that I’m void of clothes gives me “super Barbie powers” and my joints become able to bend in unnatural positions! No, I don’t want you to put one of my ankles on your shoulder and try to pound your manhood into me while I’m in extreme pain from my hamstring being stretched beyond repair!

Oh and the other bendable positions that they think we can do is put our head between our legs! No! We can’t breathe or enjoy sex with one of our ankles on your shoulder much less both of our ankles on your shoulders! Seriously, they think that if we could actually put our ankles behind our heads that we would need them putting their body weight on top of us and sweating profusely on us while breathing hard in our face asking us if that feels good?

I just want to say, No, man it doesn’t but if you could just move and if I could reach my tongue that far I’m sure it would feel a lot better, than you having my legs up around my ears, your body weight on me killing me and your sweat dripping in my eyes!

I’m not fat by any means; I am very blessed with curves in right places though. I may have Barbie’s boobs and ass, (that doesn’t mean I’m bendable!) just not her swivel joints nor her bendable rubber legs! I’m not made from any plastic and my joints don’t move like a Barbie nor am I as flexible as I was when I was younger. I enjoy various positions, in various places but I prefer my limbs to stay intact and my joints and muscles not to ache so much that I would consider calling up an orthopaedic surgeon to do some reattachments. Ha ha!


  1. I am just going back through some of your older blogs that I haven't read yet and this one made me laugh out loud. hahaha. I have SO been in this position. I am a bigger girl and thankfully have retained a good deal of flexibility. I have literally had my feet planted on the wall behind my head...i have worn my ankles as earings...i have had the one leg on the bed and one on his shoulder. I have enjoyed all of those...however...if I say "OWWW" then stop...let me leg go...and let me put them where I know they can go! I have had hamstring pulls and calf pulls in the middle of sex and screaming and making him rub out the cramp (while hillarios) is not let me position myself in extreme positions thank you very much.

  2. Yes I enjoy some of the bends but not to breakable positions and in the heat of the moment you can get away with a lot of otherwise painful situations but don't go to far, it will, WILL kill the moment!