I have a theory about why we tend to chase those that run and run from those that chase... I think it's about respect. It's hard to respect someone that is willing to promise you the moon right out of the chute, no matter how great they are.
So this is about me chasing a man ever since we went to high school together. So here goes, T is the one I want and I have always had a great crush on him! B is the man that loved me unconditionally that I just couldn't love back in return the way he loved me! Both are pretty good guys (even if B does sound a little passive... since he chased me for 7 years....I mean 7 years and no sex? was he not trying or was I not attracted to him?) Neither I was attracted to him I just didn't love him the way he loved me. Probably because I was chasing T.
I honestly believe a woman needs to respect a guy to be really attracted to him... B may have been great in every other way but that one (like someone else I know ) He just isn't willing to tell you when you're being a pain in the ass and that's a problem.
T is and has always been afraid to commit and afraid to be alone, maybe just waiting him out and letting him make a decision is the way to go. Do you think he honestly has real feelings for me, or am I just someone who is convenient for him? Not everyone has the ability to feel for other people very deeply, so I wonder if he's ever going to be able to give me what I want from him.
I did enjoy both as the person they are and I'm glad I kept in touch with them after things sort of fell apart. I don't know why I got the way I did with them, I know I wasn't being very rational but I guess that's what happens when you let your emotions rule over reason. I'm better for it, but I am a little embarrassed by the way I acted toward both.. like I was obsessed or something with T and running from B. (it's not something I deal with very often )
I still have a friendship with B. I also am still in contact with T. I have passed up too many relationships in hope that T will one day get his head on straight and realize that he loves me! lol .... OK not that naive, but I do secretly crave his love. He only calls me for sex and we have an amazing chemistry that I can't resist or explain why I can't ever tell him "NO"! Ugh If only he I could erase his presence in my mind and heart!.
Very insightful. RESPECT is very vital in every relationship. Why don't you give B a chance? Maybe he's meant for you? Or maybe you should let go of T. He only remembers yo if he wants to have sex and it's kind of degrading (for me). That's just what i think. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Novie for following and commenting. I enjoy getting insight!
ReplyDeleteI did give B a chance but the romantic feelings and chemistry wasn't there. I don't know if it was because he was in the "friend-Zone" too long, but chemistry should come natural I think.
If it's not there for B, it's not there. You can't force something to exist in your heart if it doesn't. Sometimes, the chemistry isn't instant. Sometimes it can take time to grow.
ReplyDeleteAs for T, I wonder how he would feel if he didn't have you available to him. Perhaps then you would know if it's purely about sex with him or if he feels something more. Right now, it sounds like he is content knowing you are there when he needs you.
It may be difficult to do, but maybe you need to take chances with other possibilities; other men who may be willing to share their heart with you.
Yes I do need to leave T alone and move on and I have several times and just when I think I could resist he calls again! As for B he has moved on and is currently engaged to a girl he has been dating for 2 years now and seems to be happy...although he did try to get me to have sex with him a few months ago while he was in town visiting his mom....how is it that I can turn B down and not T down! OMG I need to stay strong!
ReplyDeleteNo matter how we deny it, every woman...EVERY woman...has that man. That one man who they could never say no to, no matter how toxic he is or how much it's going to hurt later. Luckily for me, mine settled down and married me, because if I ever had married someone else I would always be running back to him. About T...I don't know. There's always "maybe" but you have to come to terms with what "never" is going to feel like.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Melanie! Thanks for putting into words what I tried to with my blog tonight. I have the same kind of situations. My problem is that I'm forever chasing T and trying to find a B who is more like T. haha. One day that might just happen but for now I need to stay away from my own B and T.
ReplyDeleteGood luck sweetie! Staying away from the T's of the world is NOT easy.
Yes I just wish T would turn in to a B in th eday time and turn back into T at night! lol
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