Odds and Ends

So here's the scoop...J is still being nice and we are having a great time together! CL is wanting to have dinner sometime this week. M called tonight and wants to get together for lunch this week. J and I haven't set boundaries or defined our little situation yet and neither of us are bringing up the "relationship talk" so we are just taking it a day at a time.

My sister and I are still not talking and I'm OK with that! I am her sister I'm just not her friend!

I haven't seen the girl I have a "kissing crush" on in almost 3 months but I had a dream about her last night. I suppose because I had her on my mind and wrote that blog about her is the only reason why.

I have been tooling about the blog world looking for some more interesting bloggers to follow and came to realize that most of the blogging world have blogs about religions and faith and their family. Huh well guess I'm just an odd blogger! lol

I enjoy the blogs I follow and my fellow bloggers that are following me! Thank you!

I Want To Kiss A Girl

I have never even thought about the concept of kissing a woman. However recently within the past year I have had many thoughts about it. It started with a woman that works in the same hospital. It's not someone I see a lot she works in a different department. I can't just shake this urge to want to kiss her.

I hardly ever see her but she is beautiful. No, not like model beautiful. She is very average built with dark eyes and long dark hair with a warm olive complexion. She has a beautiful plumpness to her. I have had several dreams about her even though I haven't seen her in a few months.






Just the thought of lightly pressing my lips to hers makes me breathe a little deeper. I swear I have never had these feeling toward another woman before. This is very strange to me.






So is this just a one time thought ? If so why won't it go away! The thought of lesbians doesn't excite me. It doesn't repulse either. I believe people should love everyone no matter their gender or color. I'm just curious as to why I keep having this urge to kiss this woman.

BEHIND BARS

I can't imagine being locked up behind bars! The noise, the constant hustle and bustle, the constant contact with people, with the anxiety of trying not only to survive another day but also another hour or a minute, even down to a second.

I have friend that is in prison, JB. No I didn't know him before he went to prison, however we have talked and mailed each other letters for years now. I can't help but to worry about him. I worry when I don't hear from him and I worry when I hear from him also. We are only friends for more than one reason obviously he is in prison for one main reason.

He has spent his entire 20's in prison. He will turn 30 this year in there it hurts me to know that while everyone else is celebrating the new year coming and the old one leaving, that JB will be sitting in his cell looking at the same four walls and the same people and the same fences and same guards. Even when he walks around its the same scenery and same people and same barb-wire.

OK I am not that naive I know he is in there for a reason and he was convicted for that reason. I'm sure the family of the victim isn't going to be thinking about him. Or worried about him, however I am. We are all human! We make mistakes!

This young boy has had to grow up in this cold hard place that he has to make home and soon on the last day of this year he will be turning 30. I went to "Dolly-Wood" on my thirtieth birthday and rode rides and spent time with my son and my sister. I had fun but when I think of how he will spend his thirtieth birthday it saddens me.

I know he put himself there. I know that this was his mistake and he has to pay the consequences. I know he sometimes has attitude and gets ill for no reason, but I can't say I wouldn't be the same way! In-fact I have bad days which I'm sure are no comparison to his bad days. I pray every night for my friend and wish him safety and comfort in knowing that he can always turn to me if he needs to talk. I know he has to survive the best way he can in there and I may not agree with his decisions but I am not God and and I will not judge him for them either.

Chasing Those That Run!

I have a theory about why we tend to chase those that run and run from those that chase... I think it's about respect. It's hard to respect someone that is willing to promise you the moon right out of the chute, no matter how great they are.


So this is about me chasing a man ever since we went to high school together. So here goes, T is the one I want and I have always had a great crush on him! B is the man that loved me unconditionally that I just couldn't love back in return the way he loved me! Both are pretty good guys (even if B does sound a little passive... since he chased me for 7 years....I mean 7 years and no sex? was he not trying or was I not attracted to him?) Neither I was attracted to him I just didn't love him the way he loved me. Probably because I was chasing T.

I honestly believe a woman needs to respect a guy to be really attracted to him... B may have been great in every other way but that one (like someone else I know ) He just isn't willing to tell you when you're being a pain in the ass and that's a problem.

T is and has always been afraid to commit and afraid to be alone, maybe just waiting him out and letting him make a decision is the way to go. Do you think he honestly has real feelings for me, or am I just someone who is convenient for him? Not everyone has the ability to feel for other people very deeply, so I wonder if he's ever going to be able to give me what I want from him.


I did enjoy both as the person they are and I'm glad I kept in touch with them after things sort of fell apart. I don't know why I got the way I did with them, I know I wasn't being very rational but I guess that's what happens when you let your emotions rule over reason. I'm better for it, but I am a little embarrassed by the way I acted toward both.. like I was obsessed or something with T and running from B. (it's not something I deal with very often )

I still have a friendship with B. I also am still in contact with T. I have passed up too many relationships in hope that T will one day get his head on straight and realize that he loves me! lol .... OK not that naive, but I do secretly crave his love. He only calls me for sex and we have an amazing chemistry that I can't resist or explain why I can't ever tell him "NO"! Ugh If only he I could erase his presence in my mind and heart!.

Stalkers Are Creepy!

Well Monday started off pretty well but at dinner time my ex showed up! Now I would say this was an intentional visit, considering he lives two hours away! Creepy? YES!




So he shows up out of the blue and not empty handed. He brought gifts! Yes even more creepy! So anyway trying to not be pissy about it even though it extremely irritated me, I let him stay for dinner. Where he proceeded to judge me for everything I said and did. Then yelled at my child for bumping into him on the couch! Seriously! So after a short dinner and a short stay I asked him to leave and he wasn't happy about it! I suppose he thought he could drop by for some sex, two hours away! HELLO! CREEPY!



I get ill when people don't give me the respect the I give them! Seriously don't show up at my house uninvited. Especially if your going to be rude to my son and judge me for being single!

One Hell of A Week!

I got into a damn fight with my middle sister who is a whore and a bitch! yes I said WHORE! She has been in a marriage and a relationship with the same man for 15 years, which at times has been off and on but currently for the past 3 years it has been very "ON". Well She has NEVER been faithful to him! I use to think "poor guy" now I just think "what a dumb ass!".

So Yes this is a rant! We had a girls thing going on this week and against my judgment I invited her. "GIRLS thing" that is the key word here. You see my dear ole sis loves attention from men. She doesn't care who and once she gets it she is like a little puppy dog that follows them around out of desperation. This really pissed me off this week!

When you dump your girlfriends to follow a man (who isn't your husband) around like a little lost puppy, at least be honest about it! Don't get me wrong I knew what was going to happen. I was just hoping the older she gets the less DRAMA QUEEN she would be! HELL NO, that wasn't the case. I was dragging her drunk ass out of a strange man's room at 1 am, kicking and screaming! Yes I know I'm not her mom, but have a little respect for your f-ing self.4 hours after you meet a man at a bar your in his room alone with him! WTF! Yes, apparently she has never heard of Amber Dubois, Chelsea king, or Natalie Holloway! Stupid Bitch, cussed at me all damn week!

I'm so over her damn DRAMA.