Sunday, October 28, 2012

Lets Get Naked!


If you have read my blog previously you know that I grew up in an unconventional kind of home, with an odd set of parents. They made their way through this world with their own set of rules, a made up religion of parts others religions, and little to no common sense. There were no family values on raising children, and since I was born in the era of free love and drugs common sense would have been a great asset to my parents for raising us kids.

 

 I don’t condone nor agree with any of my parents’ parental guidance; however I could go back to living in a nudist community. There is always a good reason to get naked. No, I’m not into free love and drugs, but I do love the freedom and wholeness being naked makes me feel.

 

Uncomfortable clothing is just that, uncomfortable it distracts you from your daily functions and makes you miserable. They pinch and bunch and never fit right. Clothing for me is concealing and confining. Don’t take it as I have never found clothes that fit, I do, even though their few and far between. That doesn’t mean they are comfortable. Not to forget clothing is expensive.    

There is a freedom in being naked that few enjoy because we have learned through society
to be embarrassed. It is true we learned to be embarrassed. We probably learned this from Adam and Eve in biblical times, to cover up and be ashamed of our bodies.

My parents never instilled this since of shame on me; since they had no sense of a normal religion must less a Christian one. My father has claimed to be Mormon my entire life and my mom never affiliated herself with any one religion, so they made their way with kids in tow, through life making things up as they went. Hence the free love, drugs, and nudist colonies.    

 
The freedom of being naked makes me feel like there is nothing to hide behind, a deep
acceptance comes over me, and through this acceptance a deep calmness over takes me and gives me a sense of control and confidence in myself that I have felt before. It’s truly a unique empowerment that not everyone feels while their so open to others and vulnerable.

 

The feeling of being exposed is not for everyone, but you never know unless you try. Everyone should try doing laundry, cleaning the house, or any and everything naked! 

 

Got Naughty?



While naked in the shower the other day I was thinking I should start a naughty list….


No not an actual list, but instead a naughty guest blog list. I know everyone has a naughty side. I know some more than others, however not everyone has an anonymous blog. So I know that if your family and friends are on your blog, you probably don’t really say what you want all the time.


 Therefore I thought that I should host a naughty list for guest bloggers to post their naughty stories anonymously on my blog.

So here goes…. think of your naughtiest stories, fantasy or reality and email them to me at theanonymousperilsofassw75@yahoo.com make sure to think of an anonymous signature as well and sign your work or I will make one up for you  ……

I will not out you. I will not reveal any information except your blog post. I do not need any personal info just send me any naughty thoughts you have and I’ll post them anonymously as your naughty outlet, on my naughty list!

NO RULES just two suggestions:

1. Make sure you sign your work or I will make up a signature for you.

2. Make sure you spell check your work. I will NOT edit your work.


Let the naughtiness begin!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Where Did Passion Go?





I'm sitting in my bed with my husband's laptop blogging naked while he is at work. I often do this while he is at home and upstairs watching movies or playing an online game, trying to wait me out and make sure I'm asleep before he comes downstairs for fear that I'll want sex! This has been a regular occurrence since we he has gained a few extra pounds that he isn't use to having.

Ok I get it, he doesn't feel sexy...and he doesn't like the extra weight he has acquired in the last six months, but who does...That by no means,  means that his wife doesn't find him sexy and irresistible!

I'm all for naked! I'm all for hair-pulling push me up against a wall and have your way with me sex! He is the only man I know that would complain about his wife always wanting to get him naked and get frustrated for even mentioning sex to him.  So I really should not have told him the about the texting my and my BFF were texting but he asked and I told him the truth. He was not at all thrilled that I was discussing our sex life lack of a sex life with anyone, however if he isn't willing to talk about it I only have two options..one being my BFF and the other is blogging about it.

Anyway she sent me a picture of this man laying beside his wife sleeping with a caption over his head that said....I thought we were going to have sex..I could be on the Internet right now!

I responded with, my husband does the opposite..he stays on the Internet until he is sure I'm asleep.

She responded "Oh poor D, he has a wife that is sex crazy. I'm sure he wouldn't complain to his buddy's about it"

in which I laughed and responded not a chance. This is when he walked in and asked my what was so funny and I showed him the texts.....He was not happy!

Why is he so disheveled about his weight , and why doesn't he do something about it instead of shunning his wife in the bedroom because he has body issues? I thought only women had these kind of issues.
I know a little that was a little stereotyping comment..sorry ladies, but it's true , that is what I thought.

I want my passionate husband back! I want the man that I texted one day last spring right after he left for work and said "come back I miss you" and he sent back "what would you want me to do if I did come back" and I responded in detail what I would want him to do to me and within twenty minutes he was back in our driveway fulfilling my every wish of pushing my up against the bedroom wall stripping my of every inch on clothing and having his way with me! :)   ! That is the man I want back in my presence please!

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Appendage Abuse II "Carpe Scrotum"




As you all know appendage talk is very sensitive to me so I will tread lightly when I tell this story of how my youngest son. He seems to be following in the foot steps of his mom. If you have read any of my previous posts about appendages, you will know this is a very heartbreaking and cringing subject on my blog.

So my son has two dirt bikes and he rides them every second  he gets a chance to be on them. I live in a city setting, so he has his dirt bikes and his dads and his papaw's houses. One beautiful day last year while I was at work at the hospital my phone rang and it was my ex husband screaming something about blood everywhere.....

Once I get him to calm down to a level of comprehension, I realized my son had wrecked his dirt bike. Ok this is where I went into medical mode.....I have several different modes depending on the situation...for example if I had been there I would have been in panic mode, but since I wasn't there I was at work, I went into medical trauma mode. 1. access the situation 2. what is the level of the trauma 3. what kind of transportation are we needing, as in should I send out the trauma 1 helicopter ?

So first question, what is bleeding, where is the blood coming from? My ex's response........his pants! What ? OMG are you serious....the last couple of times I got calls from his dad about a bleeding body part it was his head. He has had two sets of stitches in his face. One from walking into his dads tailgate of his truck and the other from slipping on a mossy rock at a park. However this wasn't in his face this time.....

My next question is, can he take off his pants or can you cut off his pants and tell me where the blood is coming from...while you are putting him in the car and heading this way please! It is a 45 min drive from his dads to the hospital.....

So with his pants off (teenager mortified)and with his dad again screaming.... he has hurt his private parts! REALLY! Your his dad and a grown man please elaborate on which "private parts" are bleeding! his response.....OMG there is blood all over i cant tell...all while my son is calm and mortified that he is in his dads truck without his pants in only a towel covering his bottom half, while his dad is looking at his privates and his stepmom is driving.

Apparently when he laid his dirt bike down in an attempt to avoid a tree his leg got caught under the bike and he ended up under  it, the foot peg caught a hold of his scrotum sack and tore it open!

By the time he got to the hospital the bleeding had subsided, however his dad was still freaking out and my son was still mortified. After some pain meds, a few numbing injections (yes needles) and 16 stitches in his scrotum sack my son was  feeling better....all while telling me I better not for any reason EVER repeat the events of today.


I would think that it would be cool for a teenage boy to have a battle story about having had stitches in his ball sack.......ummm not my son he is still mortified if ever reminded of them!
 

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

I'm tired of my fingers smelling like my vagina!

Don't get me wrong I like the smell of my vaja-ja and I even like to masturbate, however it gets really old really quick, if that's all that's going on down there. So me and my tens fingers went shopping today. Yes, to the adult toy store down the road.

I so happened to pick the perfect day to go shopping in the adult toy store, there was a sale happening! lol Who knew they have things on sale in the erotica toy business? So anyway I have been in this store before and I wasn't impressed before so why would I have a different experience alone? Well we will just say I was in desperate need of some attention down there and I didn't have the time nor money to drive to the big city to get it.

So this little  lingerie shop with toys a mile from my house was perfect. All except it is owned by a very large and in charge married couple that are rude and not happy ever! I wonder why they own this little shop in the first place. They literally have "do not " do this and "do not" do that signs all over the place even before you walk into the place and don't attempt to answer your phone in there or even think about reaching for your phone, they will tackle you and warn you, that NO pictures are allowed in this place. And they aren't nice about it!

 For example as I'm checking out the lady says, this isn't the one I told you that it was 19.99 this one is 24.99....ok I know I read the sticker......are you sure you don't want the other one.....yes I'm sure, thank you though......well this one comes with a FREE penis shaped sleeve, would you like to pick one out to go with your purchase.....No thank you......Maybe you didn't hear me, I said they are FREE!.....No thank you I said......Well they come with this purchase all you have to do is pick one out it's free! ......NO Thank you! ........I don't think you understood me I said it's free!.....I finally said I completely understand you, I can read and speak english and I do not want a penis shaped sleeve to go over my silver bullet, it is more of an inconvience, it would be something else I have to hide and clean, so again NO THANK YOU!............Really people!

Anyway back to my fingers, they are tired and I am tired for them. So I thought I'd get me a new silver bullet . Seemed quite harmless to include a silver bullet into my newly wed relationship. Well to me it was, but not so much  to my husband, I might as well bought the biggest dildo in there and brought it home. Anyway, I didn't I bought a small little multi-speed dial silver bullet. Which I paid cash for because my bank nor the bank statement needs to reflect an incorrect opinion of my purchase or leave the imagination to the spectators. However I did stuff it to store it in an old checks box. How ironic, that if a thief breaks in and goes through my night stand to find things , that a box of checks might not be exactly what they might had in mind when they open it....lol

I came straight home opened it, washed it and began using.!  It was glorious! I haven't cummed so hard and so many times in a few weeks and I needed the release before I go insane. The little intense vibrating bullet , that really looks more like a missile is so very intense. It literally takes less than a minute to bring me to full blown and leg shaking organisms. I literally use to keep one in the glove box of my car for those occasions when you get  stuck in traffic. It made it a lot more fun. :)

So it has been about two years since I had my last toy and I don't know why I haven't replaced it sooner, but I intend on making sure I get my money's worth out of my newly bought silver friend, I would even let my husband tease me with it if he wasn't so offended that I purchased it.